When George W. Bush was running for president, he bragged he was born–again. So later when he took our country into the Iraq War, protestors slammed him saying…

You claim to be a Christian, so you should follow the fifth commandment which states unequivocally, “Thou shalt not kill.” But troops under your command are killing hundreds of thousands of people, including women, children, and old people. How can you justify that in light of your professed faith? You’re a hypocrite!

Bush was dumbfounded. He refused to see himself as a hypocrite—and he was right. He had a much better understanding of the Bible than the protestors did, because…

In the tribal context of the Bible, killing your enemy is perfectly moral.

The Golden Rule has an evil twin, the Bloody Rule, which says…

It’s okay to kill outsiders whenever you think that’s necessary to protect your own tribe.

In fact, if they’re a threat, you must kill them. It’s your duty.

So Bush wasn’t being a hypocrite. He was being something worse…

A tribal fundamentalist.

Tribalism might sound like it’s a double standard because it goes like this…

Me and my tribe are good.
You and your tribe are evil.

So…

If we do x, that’s a good thing.
But if you do x, that’s a bad thing.

And…

If we attack you that’s good.
If you attack us that’s bad.

And…

If we lie to the benefit of our tribe, that’s perfectly okay.
If you lie to the benefit of your tribe, that’s despicable.

Here are some examples taken from current events…

“Religious freedom” means me and my tribe claim a special privilege to do whatever we want. And you don’t get to claim that privilege.

We want to get out the vote in our communities, but in your communities we want to shut down voting.

Me and my tribe oppose abortion and make it impossible for your tribe to have access, but meanwhile we will claim an exemption. If our daughters or wives need abortions, we’ve got the sources and resources to go get them.

We believe in liberty and freedom—for us. But not for you.

There are indeed two dimensions to the tribal stance—how you treat insiders versus how you treat outsiders. Still, it’s really only got a single underlying standard, the tribal standard, which is…

Me and my tribe get to do whatever we want, whatever we can get away with.

But this single standard is…

Usually dressed up in double talk.

For example, when Barack Obama wanted to appoint Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court in March 2016, the Republicans said it was too close to the November election and the next president should decide.

But when Ruth Bader Ginsberg died in September 2020, the Republicans rushed Amy Coney Barrett onto the Court on October 27, 2020, even though voting for the next president had already started. They argued that President Trump had been elected by the people to make these appointments, so it was right for him to do so even at the last minute.

This seems like a double standard, but it isn’t. It’s…

A power play.

Carried out by hard–core tribal fundamentalists.

The reason the Republicans gave for blocking Garland should have been reason enough to block Coney Barrett. The reason they gave for appointing Coney Barrett was a very good reason for letting Obama appoint Garland.

In point of fact, the Republicans were just doing what they wanted to do because they had the power to get away with it.

So why wasn’t that enough? Why did they bother to dress up their actions with reasons?

Because they wanted to sound reasonable. They wanted to pretend to be the arbiters of reasonableness. They wanted to make themselves look like the good guys while they played hard ball.

Most of all they wanted to deflect criticism. Which worked pretty well for them. Many pundits focused on the reasons, pro and con, and not on naming the underlying power play.

When we as activists are up against a power play, we’ve got two options…

We can engage in the tribal game.

We can get caught up in arguing with our adversaries about the reasons they’re using to cover up the true nature of their actions.

Or…

We can play against the tribal game.

When we’re dealing with hard–core tribalists locked into their point of view and being cagey and manipulative…

We get to take a determined stand against their behavior.

We get to cut through their crap…

We get to name the elephant in the room.

And make sure that our communities see that elephant and understand how power plays work.

For the hard–core guys, playing fair is stupid, foolish, and a loser’s game. It doesn’t work to talk to them about fairness because…

They’re just not into it.

They’ll do whatever it takes to get their way. And they wonder, why would you expect anything different from us? A scorpion stings, a rattlesnake bites, that’s their nature. And tribalists take whatever they can get away with taking.

Tribalists want to make a deal with us…

You play nice while we play dirty.

And so it turns out what we call hypocrisy is not a personal character flaw, but…

A purposeful political strategy.

When we protest about “hypocrisy,” the hard–core guys laugh at us, because we’re missing the point. So they don’t feel threatened.

But if we name their power plays out loud and boldly and forthrightly, we might surprise them, we might throw them off balance. And sometimes we can organize and beat them.

But even if we can’t, naming the power play might make it harder for them to do their tribal thing. And we’ll be letting them know that they can’t fool us anymore.

And if we defend ourselves, without hesitation and without apology, maybe once in a while, one or two of the hard–core guys might show us a bit of grudging respect.

But at least in the meantime…

We’ll have respect for ourselves.

Now what about people who get involved in “hypocrisy” unconsciously, not even realizing what they’re doing. What about people who are trapped in tribalism, but…

A part of them wants better.

With these people you can take a different tact…

You can be their advocate.

You can be on their side. You can invite them out of the tribal game into the trans-tribal game.

You can start by describing what’s going on…

I notice that you’re supporting people who are arguing in favor of an action that will benefit you and people like you, but will not be good for the rest of us.

Then you can be their advocate…

And this is understandable. It’s very human of you. And I’m like that, too. I want what I want. This is how we humans work.

Throughout most of our long history we’ve lived in relatively small tribes which did whatever was necessary to take care of themselves, because there wasn’t anyone else around who was going to take care of them.

So they got very good at putting their home tribe first.

And not just first. The welfare of their home tribe was their only consideration.

They took what they wanted, whatever they could get away with, and figured other tribes would just have to take care of themselves on their own, too.

And this is called tribal fundamentalism. And it’s still very much alive today in our mass societies.

And it has nothing to do with playing fair.

Next you can make an invitation…

But our mass societies have so many different kinds of people with conflicting interests that we do need to play fair with each other. We need rules and we need to follow them.

We need to be able to come together in common purpose if we want a strong and nurturing country and if we want our species to survive.

This is why we need the rule of law. This is why we need a deeper understanding of democracy. It’s not just a matter of voting for people who will give you and your group what you want.

We need democracy to be a system of negotiating with each other so we can all do better together. Because if we insist on battling each other, we’re going to all go down and go down hard.

Democracy, the negotiating kind, the nurturing kind, is really, really hard. It takes serious commitment and serious discipline. Because we humans are naturally contentious and contrary and divisive. That’s how we’ve been for tens of millennia in the past.

But we can’t afford to live like that anymore, not if we want to have a future.

So I’d like to invite you to join us in our efforts to make a fair society, one where everyone gets taken care of. Instead of one where the few rule the many and take advantage of them and cause mass suffering.

This is not a pie–in–the–sky fantasy, we have concrete, practical strategies for making things better for everyone.

Finally, you can move into a sincere and vulnerable conversation if the person is willing…

I’d be really interested in hearing what you’re thinking about this perspective.

For example, what do you like about it and what do you not like? What seems like the easy part and what seems like the hard part?

I’d love to look for common ground with you if you’re into it. That’s one of my favorite things to do. In a world that’s so divided, it’s my idea of fun.

One of the things that matters most to me in my life is finding kindred spirits, people who want to develop a deeper, richer, more nurturing kind of human togetherness.

This is just one example of how such a conversation might go. And this is a very condensed version, without the back and forth of a real conversation, which can get complicated. And of course everyone brings their own personalities and values to such conversations.

Now let me ask you this. Have you ever called someone a hypocrite and they responded…

Oh my god, you’re right! I am being hypocritical. I’m going to change my ways. Thank you!

I’ve never seen it. If it does happen from time to time, it’s a really rare event.

And this makes sense, because slapping a label on someone usually hurts their feelings or makes them mad. So it deepens divisions instead of bridging them.

What if you talk about going trans–tribal with someone and she responds positively…

Okay, I want to go for it.

Then you can ramp up your advocacy and tell her…

What I know about making the transition from tribal to trans-tribal is that it’s a profound, challenging, and sometimes painful thing to do. So I want to offer to be with you every step of the way as you go through it.

But…

What would this person need to be able to trust you?

She’d need to see that you know what you’re talking about. And that you have a deep understanding of tribalism. And that you’re masterful at breaking the tribal spell. And that you have the kind of inner strength to stick with her all the way through.

And that…

With all your heart you want to be there for her.

It’s a serious commitment to accompany someone through this transition, but I recommend it, because it’s also thrilling like few other things in life are.

2.3  Common enemy, common ground